ZIG Pilot Trent

What happen? Somebody set up us the bomb. We get signal. Main screen turn on. It’s you!! How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us.

An absolute classic of the genre, you would have to have either been a recluse or not even ever existed to have never heard of Zero Wing’s laughably translated intro sequence. Appearing in grafitti, on the sides of mountains and even referenced by prominent members of congress, this iconic meme is almost part of the fabric of the internet itself.

Ordinarily when encountering something that has its roots in another language, I would be doing my utmost best to provide an accurate translation. I usually don’t just take Google Translate’s word for it and double, triple, quadruple check that I’m heading in the right direction. For this – fuck it. As the whole basis of it is mistranslation, it doesn’t really matter, does it? Either way, I’ve still given it a go, with the top Japanese part of this design reading ‘Galactic Space Federation‘. Probably.

As for Zero Wing itself, it’s a sideways scrolling shoot-em-up in the mould of R-Type. Released in 1989 on the arcade, the 1991 Mega Drive (Genesis if you’re in Yankland) port is where the problems start. If you look, protagonist ZIG pilot Trent’s officer number reflects the July release date of the game in the EU. Considering such a mish-mash of cultures, I don’t want the Americans to be left out, so they can have their spelling of the word ‘defense’. Even though it is massively wrong and they should be ashamed.

I still don’t really know what ‘ZIG’ as all about. I suspect it’s related to zig-zag, but I’ve just got the Spice Girls on a loop. They’re never far from my mind anyway, if I’m being honest.