Mongoloid Porn Inferno

In that bar there was a very nice young lady who served me. She had all the facial jewellery and everything; the knuckledusters, the stair rods and the nails of Christ in there. Even their clothes intimidate me.

Okaaaaaay. So I must point out that this is a direct quote from Dylan Moran’s 2004 masterpiece ‘Monster‘. Not only that, but the phrase is also mentioned as appearing on the aforementioned woman’s t shirt (specifically here if you need clarification). And it’s very rare that that happens. That’s my explanation, anyway. Before we get into anything that might be offensive. I’m hoping the raging fire of pornography puts it to bed.

Now, if we’ve made it past that, I can tell you what’s going on with it. Strap in. I’ve got a Clockwork Orange Korova Milk Bar thing going on here, because the thing I think of hearing the phrase from the stand up is milk. Which, as a non-dairy consumer, is very strange. The reason for that is an obscure quip from an old (it’s all very old by now) bit of TVGoHome in which (presumably Charlie Brooker) mentions another (presumably fictional) girl wearing a t shirt with ‘Dicktoy Slut’ written on it in the style of the Dairy Milk logo. I did a Google search* on this and can only assume that it was actually in the book. Though having said that, TVGoHome was never written in searchable text, rather parody jpegs of Radio times listings. Anyway, those two instances got intertwined in my head. Hence the milk, hence the colours.

I know. This one is all a bit weird, from start to finish.

* I even had to turn the Safe Search filter off for this. Urk.