Hairy Dave’s Dairy

Susan, will you bring a mop!

We’ve covered some batshit stuff over here, but this is up there with the best. Or worst, depending on how you look at it. If you’ve not seen it, Vic and Bob teach you how to drive. But here’s the thing. No they don’t. They fuck about for 45 minutes, barely making any sense. For something that’s supposedly meant to be a reference point on best practices in order for you to pass your test, they burn a copy of the Highway Code within the first five minutes, laughing maniacally as they do so. They drink and drive, beat people up and just spew nonsense at high volume.

‘How did this happen?’ I hear you ask. Well, back in 1993, Vic and Bob were everywhere. Not only had they had a number one single two years prior, but their move to the BBC from Channel 4 cemented them as full-blown, prime time megastars, so you would have to assume that the RAC just wanted a piece of their bizarre pie and jostled to get them involved whatever the cost. It’s pretty telling that after they’ve done their thing, a narrator has to basically unravel all their antics in a recap and say ‘yeah, don’t do any of this or you’ll die’. I mean…it is incredibly funny but commercially suicidal.

So who is Hairy Dave? Well, half way through proceedings they get stuck behind a milk float and have to call Hairy Dave’s Dairy to get him to speed up. Hairy Dave is dead* but Hairy John deals with the situation. The milk float is being driven by Hairy Don, who has a thick New York accent for no reason.

The basis of the logo is a company that does dairy products that you will have heard of. Arguably their most famous products are flaps of cheese, but it’s all dairy based and the logo is briefly visible on the back of the milk float is very similar, so in it goes.

If you have three quarters of an hour to kill, I urge you to experience the insanity for yourself.

*RIP to Dave Myers, the closest appeoximation we had to Hairy Dave IRL.